It is the place where great ideas are born. The hall of introspection, the abode of ‘eureka’; yep, I’m talking about the bathroom/washroom/loo. It is so much more than just a place to clean oneself up. I honestly believe it should be given a special place in the record books for the number of brilliant thoughts had in there – mine included, of course. A typical morning –

I waltz into the bathroom with a smile upon my face. Just kidding – I stumble, groaning at the unfairness of having less than 6 hours of sleep, despite the fact that it’s my own fault, of course. I chose to not complete my presentation which was given a week ago; truth be told, I should probably rush and take a last look at it. I perform my routine of um…emptying my bowels and promise myself for the thousandth time that I will not consume food from a street stall again. Then I realize I’m out of air freshener and curse myself a few dozen times more. I wrinkle my nose as I brush my teeth, dart outside quickly to grab deodorant and spray it, anticipating my favorite part of the morning.

It’s shower time! Before I can stand under that blessed flow of water though, I have to set it at just the perfect temperature…which means I waste ten minutes turning each knob just the tiniest degree in each direction. It’s worth it, though, for this flawless stream, except I can’t stop thinking about that stupid product presentation. Did I really complete it last night? Should I look it over again? Then I contemplate the fact that I have to present in front of 50 people today and my skin turns cold. I move to turn the knob and –OUCH! So now I’ll be presenting to 50 people with a burnt hand. That’s all right, I guess…except that cute guy is probably going to be there today. Today of all days! If I see his face I’ll probably be well on my way to collapsing from stress. Except I can’t do that, because if I mess up this presentation, I will have a horrible impression on everyone forever. What if I destroy my future career over this? WHAT IF I NEVER GET A JOB?

Okay, I have to calm down. Breathe deeply, slowly – in through the nose, out through the mouth. There, that’s better. Wait, why am I humming 5 Seconds of Summer? I don’t even like that band, except my roommate was playing it all night. Maybe I secretly like the mainstream pop bands, and if I do, what does that say about me as a person? My repression of my secret (unknown) love for pop culture could be the whole reason it didn’t work out with my ex. No, wait, that was because he wouldn’t stop playing Yo Yo Honey Singh and also, he thought we were better off as friends. Do I miss him? Maybe a little bit. It would be really nice my friends would stop pointing out all his updates though. Speaking of, we’re supposed to be working for that CSR initiative thing. I really wish I could recall what it was, but I’m doing my bit to make the world a better place, right? Oh, who am I kidding? We’re all doomed anyway.

As for today though, I have to blow dry my hair, get my make-up on and get dressed. Please, please electricity, don’t fail me now.
I hope you enjoyed this piece. Below,  you will find a collection of ‘Musings in the Toilet’ scribbled on walls. Yes, human beings are weird.

 

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