I tell you, the ‘ways’ of this world are getting on my nerves. Everyone has some favourite words that resonate with them. But I think it’s more common to come across words that really piss you off.

But coming back to these ‘ways’. For the first twenty years of my life, I used the term ‘anyway’ just like everyone else. Like ‘Anyway, it doesn’t matter now’ or ‘Well, anyway, I can’t come’. Everyone said ‘Anyway’! We never even considered saying anything else. Then I discovered some friends from Canada who said ‘Anyways’. Anyways! I laughed heartily. They were more to be pitied than censured, I felt.

Little did I know that this seemingly weird usage would soon spread its tentacles across the globe. Years later, a few dangerous people in other parts of the world somehow got this bizarre notion that saying ‘anyways’ was hip. Radio Jockeys, in a desperate attempt at coolness used ‘Anyways’ every time they ran out of words. Their youthful fans followed.  And slowly (oh, the horror of it) even adults started using it. Now, the damn thing has started branching out. People have started using ‘anyways’ in written communication (Holy Cr*p). A potbellied, middle-aged gentleman in my office says ‘Any which ways’ (I want to cry).  And in a TV ad, I’ve seen film-star Abraham say ‘No ways!’ (Kill me! Kill me now).

This cringe-inducing disease is catching up and getting ugly. Soon, Oslo will be known as the capital of Norways. Earthlings will conquer faraways planets. And when we tire of Dan Brown, we will read Ernest Hemingways.

After all, where there’s a will, there’s a ways.

PG Bhaskar is a private banker and Khaleej Times’ Friday humour columnist. He has authored several books and tries hard to keep up with the times @bhaskarpg and www.pgbhaskar.com

Featured Image Artwork by Bhoomika Ghaghada