After receiving the eagerly awaited [or dreaded] results of the CBSE 2015 finals a few weeks ago, I came to terms with the fact that I’m not in high school anymore; this realisation was obviously accompanied with waves of existential crises and a lot of impulsive behaviour [like drinking a lot of Red Bull and re-watching old school videos]. However, despite my overly dramatic outburst of emotions, over the past few weeks, I’ve come to wrap my mind around a lot of things that I definitely wouldn’t have thought of during high school:

1. “Oh god, I’m here – I’m IN life”

You know during lectures and such, parents and professors keep going on about ‘being prepared for real life’? I’ve realised that I’m here now. College applications, choosing a major that could determine the route of my life, is quite easily the scariest thing I’ve had to deal with. You’re on your own now, without hand-holding teachers. Every decision will be yours [and while that’s empowering, it can also be terrifying].

2. It’s just a number

What seemed like life and death a year ago is just a two digit number followed by a percentage symbol now.

Despite my sister’s warnings about how the finals are not as big a deal as they seem, I wept buckets out of fear and frustration. The hype about these “life changing” results ended up lasting only a day or two which made me want to go back and go through high school with a calmer mind and do my sanity some good.

[On the bright side, my sister gets to say “I told you so”].

3. Conformity is not directly proportional to your self esteem

In high school, fitting in was the only thing that mattered. You would only be able to love yourself if you’re loved or accepted by everyone around you. With high schoolers being their vicious selves, this was close to impossible especially for someone like me.

High school had to end for me to realise that these people whose acceptance I tried so hard to achieve, aren’t even going to remember me a few months from now, [As depressing as that sounds]. Embrace your flaws and imperfections, they’re the things that will help you find people that you won’t have to try so hard with.

[Perhaps, that’s why they say college is the time for self-exploration, because you’re relatively free of the social constraints and labels of high school]

4. Keep your friends close, your high school friends closer.

Although they may not be around as much and you may meet less frequently, they’re the people that you’ll reminisce about when you’re talking about “the good ol’ days”. They’re the people that were friends with you despite your pre-pubescent moustache, lame jokes and your embarrassing squeaky voice. They’ve been through it all; your Backstreet Boys or Eminem phase, that time you thought you could pull off black nail paint, your first boyfriend/girlfriend.

Above all, if they could, they would write a trilogy of embarrassing stories about you and use it as leverage against you, so keep your friends close, your high school friends closer.

Despite admitting that I’ve hated bits of high school [mostly, the school part], I take memories with me as I leave that I wouldn’t trade for all the tea in China; The pressure to score well, the early mornings, all that chart making, and all those times I was sent to the supervisor’s office.

This post is part of the Idle Diaries; the journey of a passive aggressive 19 year old transitioning from high school to university with four long months to use her powers for either good or evil.